Broke My Own Heart Loving You

                I was your cure and you were my disease, while I was saving you, you were busy killing me. I can only blame myself for what I opened my heart to feel and deal with. I cannot put the blame on anyone but myself; I mean who would give out such a vital organ to get hurt. You played every card in the deck, you won every card-game; you would do me the worst of the worst and where would I be? I would be here, here still thinking about you, here still wanting YOU. It wasn't reciprocated, it wasn't the same but I guess that’s how it goes in a relationship ONE person always loves more, ONE person always put in more & that ONE person always end up getting hurt.

          But if the feelings weren't the same why would you keep me around? Is it because you knew you were my weakness, did you adore the thought of having someone who you could do wrongs and they would still crawl back to you. You had a way of making me feel like I was the criminal but I was only the by-stander.  I am trying to tell myself that you are no good for me, that I am better off without you but my mind not to mention my heart won’t allow it. You seem to be a compass that would always have me coming back to you but did you ever wonder “what if?” What if you had no more control over me, what if I finally got the courage to leave you … I guess we will not know because that has never happened. You are fucked up in so many ways yet gentle in so much more. Each time you did me wrong you ruined a small piece of me and I do not know if there are any pieces of me left. Maybe it was my fault, maybe I fell for you before time, maybe I fell for you not knowing you, maybe I prayed and hoped that the parts of you I was getting was not the real you and that one day, in due time I will get to see the real you. I would look at you as if you were my sky but when you looked at me you just look at me.

          I have moments of you on my phone, moments you have no idea that I had. I wanted the parts of you that you were scared to show, the parts that you shut people from seeing, the parts I would love. Even as we speak I can taste your lips, I can smell you, I can feel your hand touching my thigh, I can feel your mouth on my skin and its things like that I refuse to let go but you are no good for me. I've cried my eyes out from the hurt, the pain you've caused me…  I look in the mirror and I see myself changing but I can no longer recognize me. I’m torn, broken, hurt and weak. All these emotions are based off what you did to me. I wanted you so much but you never wanted me.

Suicide

Countless of times you have been told to be kind to persons on the street, school, work, etc because you do not know what they are going through. 

You would be a ray of sunshine always smiling, always cheerful until one day I saw darkness and no amount of light shed could make it go away. You went so deep into darkness that you've lost your way. 

Everyday is a struggle not just to live but to be happy. It amazes me the ignorance that is in this country. 

People are so judgmental and those criticism that they make hurts us in some way shape or form. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that because of bullying or depression a person take their own life. Suicide is NEVER an option, if you feel like killing yourself please just stop, inhale and exhale and think about the good that has happened to you, even if it was good for just a split second just think about how happy you were in that time, go back to that inner peace.

People kill themselves for their sexuality, their depression or if they are bullied. Never you let society defines who you are and what you can be. Your sexuality does not define you nor your abilities to succeed. 

Your sexuality just describe who is it you prefer to cuddle with. I know that this world can be cruel it has happened to be before, being depressed for days, losing massive weight because of depression which was caused by bullying. Believe me when I say you are going to overcome it and the same persons who bullied you are going to be the ones begging to be your friends.

You see society is DUMB and they judge what they can't see, which is your heart, the goodness of you, your abilities. They judge you outwards instead of inwards but yet still they be the same ones saying that you should not judge others because of the how they appear on the inside but judge base upon their character. 
People commit suicide because they think it will end their pain, their problems but problems and pain are only TEMPORARY but taking your life is a permanent factor. This world we live in offers such beauty but the people who are in it makes it ugly.

If you ever need a person to talk to just email me at the email address in the blog with the topic arising in your life as the subject and I'll reply. Please note that you can choose to hide your identity from me, either way it won't be revealed. 

I ask you one final thing, look in the mirror and the part of your body you hate tell yourself that you love it, everyday for a month and let me know what happens.

The Jamaican Government and the Ebola Virus

Is the Ebola virus in Kingston,Jamaica and if so why is the government hiding it from us ?

I am beyond outraged at the government of Jamaica, instead of wanting to protect your people you are putting us in harm. The Ebola virus is in Kingston, Jamaica no joke, all seriousness. The person is currently getting treated in an unnamed location in the island and he is being isolated from us (the rest of the population). I’m sure you have all heard the so-called “rumours”, of the doctor who has it.Well if you think it is a rumour then remember what we Jamaicans always say “ if it nuh guh so, it guh near so”. Please note that when I talk I talk facts and this information that I received about the person who has Ebola is coming from a very trustworthy source.

My main concern is not only protecting myself but to protect my home, my country. This virus kills 50% of the person it comes in contact with, but in the past weeks that has risen from 50% to 90%.

One of the most recent biggest lie that this government has told us once again via ads and so forth is that Ebola is spread directly through bodily fluids. THIS IS A LIE. In truth, Ebola can spread through the air over short distances via aerosols - airborne particles and can be contacted through contaminated surfaces. Let’s say you give your friend your phone to make a call and they hand it back to you; they may leave the Ebola virus just by touching the phone and the virus can be open for minutes or even hours and then you yourself have been in contact with the Ebola virus.

This is also the same government who hid the fact that the Chik-V was here in Jamaica and said that they had it under control. If they had it under control then why do the percentage rates of persons having the Chik-V are on a rise ? Wise up people !

NOTE: Ebola like other viruses can’t stand heat or sunlight so they can be destroyed by this (this statement does not mean that if we are near heat or if we stand in the sun it will be destroyed).

It has been said that Jamaica is a third world country and so we cannot afford the instruments needed to take care of this deadly virus but yet our ever loving Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller travels in fine style by taking private jets/planes just like how a majority of us take taxi. Her lavish lifestyle ending in the result of her travel expenses adding up to over one million JMD and I repeat that is just for TRAVEL EXPENSES but yet we can’t afford some few basic utensils that can help a country! – Good Job Portia J, or was this your idea or Peter Phillips ?

People stop and think for a few minutes if the US government which is a first world country does not have everything under control when it comes to the Ebola virus then why do we a mediocre third world country phantoms the mere idea that we can have it under control when we can’t even have an issue such as a raise in bus fare under control? If you are thinking that the US government still have it under control then why did Obama just recently sign an executive order authorizing the forced government quarantine of anyone showing symptoms of infectious disease? -Let us not be fooled any longer.

The incubation period, that is, the time interval from infection with the virus to onset of symptoms is 2 to 21 days. Humans are not infectious until they develop symptoms.

You should be aware that it can be difficult to distinguish Ebola from other infectious diseases such as malaria, typhoid fever and meningitis.

There is no treatment nor no cure for this disease at this particular day and time.

R&B singer Akon performing at a concert in Africa.

The Jamaican government should protect its people by ensuring that anyone who wants to come into the country get tested in the country that they are in and if the results are positive then they be denied access into this country. You think that if Jamaica was Africa right now and we had the virus the Americans would not do the same thing? Ha! Just look at how much visas they deny daily, so just imagine if it was an epidemic illness. Local celebrities should take pre-cautions when travelling and upon return to Jamaica they should be given the same treatment.

I am only ONE person and I cannot do this alone, I know that these are burning issues and no one had the guts to say it but if it takes me to talk up and speak the truth then so will I. I need the help and co-operation of all other Jamaicans, we need to protest, protest for the truth. Just remember that we do HAVE A CHOICE and OUR VOICES do matter but to do this we need unity. Let us unite for a cause that is not only beneficial to us but also to the ones we love and cherish.

#InTheKnow #WeHaveAchoice

Follow me on twitter @theylovekadii   and please to share your views.

A True Love

For a moment I was happy and everything was right just for that split second but then I looked up and the tears came and I was hit with reality. With reality came the tears; the tears that I have fought so much to hide. It's been months since I've cried for you months. But no matter what I do or say I can never forget you, but who would want to forget all those memories, all those great times ?
It's clear to be that you don't want to hear from me because if you wanted to then maybe you would have made an effort just to communicate with me but nothing was done by you; not a damn thing. I'm angered by your actions you've visited everyone but not me and I was your " favourite girl " everyone knew that you said it countless of times but still I get nothing. They get visitations and I get memories that bring tears. 
Damn I miss you, I miss your presence even though you were missing for a while but when you came back it was like nothing changed.
Rip Uncle, I hope one day you'll visit me in my dreams.

Jamaicans being taxed for bank withdrawal ( My Views ).

So we are going to be taxed for bank withdrawal ? This is not even a country anymore this is a JOKE. People idolize Jamaica but do not know the stress that the population goes through. 
Taxing withdrawal really ? That's the lowest the government have gone; the " interest " that we getting for having our money in banks is not even really a interest.
All the bank do with our money is invest it in stock market and other business they should be giving us a bigger interest rate. I hate to see what my country is coming to. If you want to tax people so badly tax Portia, Peter, Bruce for their constant lies, tax the police for killing innocents, tax Alkaline confusing the minds of the young.
What happen to sweet sweet Jamaica that Miss LOU spoke about seems like all that died when she did.
People let's not discuss this and do nothing about it. Let's make a difference because if you did not know Jamaica is OURS, we choose what and who we want and if we stand up for something it cannot be rejected.
If we let this slide they will be taxing us for oxygen.
We have a voice. USE IT AND BE HEARD. Look at when Lime was the lead communications group in Digicel and then Digicel came and took lead. You think digicel could have done that on their own if it was wasn't for us ??? Nah they could not have done it. People please stop let the people in government lead us in the wrong direction. A wise man once said, " the way to become a leader is to listen ". The government is lacking that.

Who Am I ?

 

Am sure everyone has gone through the stage that I like to call " The Identity Stage ". Why ? - Because this is the stage where we are trying to figure out who we are and what our purpose in life shall be. 

Of course I went through the stage when I was in grade 9 and it transitioned through grade 10. But the funny thing is the person who I was in those grades is not the person I am now. I've faced obstacles, I've faced and seen death and those things actually change my perception of the person I wanted to be. When I have my flash backs and look at how far I've come I cry and those tears are not tears of despair but tears of joy & happiness. But the question is what defines me ? Is it the the clothes I wear, my body type my awesome personality ? Truth is I myself can't even answer that.

I have moments where I feel like I'm bi-polar and no it's not because I'm a woman :|, I have moments where I just don't know and that is exactly what it is I just don't know. I keep telling myself that I don't like people but then people are always attracted to my personality & because of that I choose to be careful of who I let in my circle. I mean I will talk to people but there be certain things I keep to myself and here's a HINT you learn more about someone by listening to their speech.

I love, like, hate, dislike, care, get angry, be affectionate, get crazy, be chill, laugh, cry, smile, smirk, investigate, risk-taker, party goer, make up lover; but that does not define me fully. Right now I can say I may not be able to give a full description of who I am but I'm living and growing each day and I'm liking the person that I'm becoming.